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He quit drinking when she
told him that she didn't want to lose him.
He'd always hated the taste of his own downfall:
bitter. Didn't like fueling a fire
in not only his stomach,
But in his rage as well.
He didn't like how the
bottle in his hand looked like
a withering heart
squeezed between a white-knuckled fist.

The fridge started
to fill up again once she
was gone. It was only a couple
drinks at first; an entire bottle
before and after her funeral;
restocking every other day; one near empty
glass, quarter filled
with melted ice
staring at a blank screen
gun in hand.

I bought him a bottle once;
he told me it'd be his last.
It's still on his counter top,
half empty.
I guess he was right.
I wrote this based off of :iconsilverinkblot:'s poem, An hourglass between his knuckles .

Loved her piece and had to try my hand at that style with a similar story.
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:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
First of all, thank you for the imitation! I'm flattered :D

I like your take on it - it's definitely based in my version, from some of the wording to using the resurgence of the vice to measure time, but with its own style. The metaphor you used for your title is awesome.

I think you could use a few commas or semi-colons here and there:

Didn't like fueling a fire
in not only his stomach,

I bought him a bottle once;
he told me it'd be his last.
It's still on his counter top,
half empty.


Those spots I marked need that little pause :) Your ending is also really good and feels a lot more concrete than mine - I left it ambiguous as to whether the smoker died, but I get the feeling our alcoholic here pulled the trigger.
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:iconcheetahclub84:
Cheetahclub84 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014  Professional Interface Designer
Thanks for the comment and the proof! You've been an inspiration to me when it comes to writing. I learned about six word stories from you and also have even written some of my own color poems. Your work is stupendous and you're an amazing artist with words!

Keep up the awesome work! :iconyooyayplz:
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:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I'll have to go check out the color poems - I collect those too :D
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:iconcheetahclub84:
Cheetahclub84 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014  Professional Interface Designer
Oh i haven't posted it on DeviantArt! I typically don't put writing on here O.O
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March 23, 2014
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